My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
