Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
