new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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