i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
