Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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