So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
