My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
