i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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