i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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