I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize