and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize