sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
