i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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