We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
