i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
