this beer tastes like vomit already
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
vagina is talking i cant
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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