My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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