Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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