I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
