I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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