I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
