Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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