I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
