I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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