so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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