I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
