Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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