he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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