I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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