I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
