i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
