I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
