omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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