I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize