from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
