1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yo dont text me then not text me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
