New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
