she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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