In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So here I am, sexting at work.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
