I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i believe in u and ur pee
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize