she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
