he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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