don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
