I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize