Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
