How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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