She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize