you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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