best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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