they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
