We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
