i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
