True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
