when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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