I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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