I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
