Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
this boner is exhausting
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
