so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The adults are the big ones right?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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