The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
