That's intense
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
