I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
