i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
