he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize