We won't sleep together?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
