Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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