Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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