Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
