i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
