In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
