Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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