He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
