he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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