as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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