This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
