remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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