I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
