i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
