okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
