um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize