Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
