I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
