I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Drake has all the answers
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
