OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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