I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
