he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
