Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
