I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You are the jesus of drinking
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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