Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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