he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
