I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
