i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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