I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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