Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
