I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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