Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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