sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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