the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
