Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
