the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
